In the three weeks that we have been here on the Southwestern Baptist Theological Campus I have attended 3 classes for the Wife of the Equiping Minster classes. A course that is designed to help prepare the future minister’s wife. I have also attended a Metochi meeting, and organization made up of student and staff wives. The purpose of this ministry is also to prepare and encourage wives of future ministers. I have also attended a Southwestern Women get together called the Chocolate Connection. A two hour mixer for just the women on campus that involved chocolate and caramel dipping sauces with a variety of goodies to snack on, all for the purpose for women to have a chance to get to know one another.
Through out the course of these women’s gathering I have come to one conclusion: I am not enough.
I’m not cheerful enough.
I’m not perky enough.
I’m not spiritual enough.
I’m not educated enough.
I’m not put together enough.
My hair isn’t good enough.
My make up use isn’t enough.
My wardrobe is definately not enough.
I find myself having a very hard time connecting with anyone around me and I realized why. I’m just not what they are looking for. I’m trying really hard to find some way to fit in but I’m realizing I’m not from the same mold as most of these women. I feel like I am going to have to really change who I am to be able to make any true connections and that scares the living day lights out of me. The last think I want to do is lose myself in the effort of becoming the “pastor’s wife”. But the I find myself asking, “Is there really an option at this point?”