Justification

In the last few months of my life I have really taken the time to sit back and think about, well, a lot of things. And why I chose those particular paths in life.

When I was in high school I had to justify why I did or didn’t play a particular sport or get involved in a particular organization.  I also had to justify why I chose to hang out and assoicate with this person or that person.

When I went on to collage I found I had to justify why I chose the school I did, what my major and minor decisions were, and yet agian, who I chose to spend my time with. Along with that I had to justify my summer vaction plans, my winter vacation plans, and my part time work choices. All while taking upwards of 18 credit hours a semester.

Once I graduated and got married I had to yet again justify my work situation, the reason behind waiting to have children, my husband’s profession decisions, and how my husband and I chose to handle our finances they way we did.

2 years later when pregnant with my first child I had to justify my reasoning behind a hospital birth, why I was going to bottlefeed instead of breastfeeding, and why I was most likely going to stay at home rather than return to work after my 6 weeks of recovery were up.

While in labor I felt I had to justify why I needed pain medication, why I chose to have an epidural, and my need to get some rest after 21 long and exhausting hours of labor.

Once he was born I again had to justify why I was feeding my son formula instead of breastmilk. I also had to justify my choice to fully vacinate my child, my choice to be a part time stay at home mom (even though my son went to work with me everyday), and why I chose to take preventitive measures to insure we wouldn’t be having any more children anytime soon.

When I got pregnant with our daughter when our son was only 15 months old I had to justify why we would be having this baby, again my feeding preferences,my decision to use cloth diapers and my decision to become a full time stay at home mom.

Just 2 months before baby girl was born my husband made a drastic decision that has changed our lives. I had to justify why I was supporting his decision to go back to school, why I was ok with moving to a completely different state for this to happen, and that this would be what is best for our family.

All along the road I am finding myself feeling the need to justify my decisions to those around me. Why does it matter to anyone how I choose to feed my children? Are they happy and healthy? Yes, well then leave me alone. 

So you don’t like this person or that person? Not my problem. If you can’t be nice around them while around me then maybe we need to reevaluate our friendship.

I have a degree but I’m a stay at home mom. Absolutely, have you seen the cost of child care in this country? Me working wouldn’t be worth it. You think I should be out in the work force? You gonna watch my children for free?  I didn’t think so.

If I choose to go back into the work force it it really anyone’s business? No, not really. Am I doing a disservice to my children? Most likely not. Because I know what my kids need and it might just be time away from mom.

The point is if you feel like you have to justify all the moves you make then maybe you should really take stalk in who you are confiding in. If you have to spell out all your accomplishments so that everyone can see it then maybe you are trying to convince yourself you have done everything you wanted to do and not those around you. Because if people really supported you they wouldn’t care why you do the things you do. They would just want to know that you are making the best decision for yourself and your family without the need to interjecet their thoughts and feelings on the matter.

And I’m proud to say that in the last few months I have figured out how to surround myself with just those types of people. The ones that will be supportive and uplifting no matter what the decisions my husband and I make for our family. Just as long as we are all happy, healthy, and on the right path!