May 1, 2018
Honestly, where has this year gone? How on earth is it already May? I feel like the first few months of this year have been both the longest and the shortest in history.
January started out so promising. Everyone was finally healthy! I was jumping into several new goals for the year with both feet. I was tackling the challenge of a VERY full plate with 2 very theologically heavy classes, teaching, home schooling, and work obligations. Top that off with Dusty coming off of a very successful fall semester and being excited to go into the spring semester with renewed energy, things were looking very up for the Marshall household.
And then things changed. First of all, like I discussed in my last post(way back in February) my grandmother passed away. I had always kinda considered her and my grandfather (who had passed away almost 8 years ago now) as the glue that held much of our family together. They were the last thread that tethered several of us together and while she was hanging around there was always a little piece of a chance that one day things might go back to the way they were when we were kids and we all actually still liked each other. (Wishful thinking on my part I’m sure). But once she passed away that thread was cut and we were now all free to move along to live our own lives. My immediates and I will remain close because that is just how we are, but the extendeds (who were raised more as immediates with me) will now most likely just be fond memories of what once was. And I suppose that is going to have to be ok.
The next month brought along with it a week full of challenges that really only God could help us to navigate through. From the revelation that the work I had been doing was going to take a sever down turn to Dusty experiencing a series of challenges while out of the state it really seemed like things were stacked against us. But through it all we were able to see God’s hand, guiding and directing, cradling us and reminding us that we were going to be alright as long as we continued to walk with Him through the process. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, doing the next thing.
April brought with it the loss of another grandmother. And the desire to be available to support my parents but the duty to stay in Fort Worth and finish out the semester strong. It’s hard when your heart is in one place but you head has to be in another. And its also hard when you realize that again, God is at work orchestrating things the way He has designed them to be because there are lessons to be learned all the way around. And grief, as challenging as it is to go through, is a tool God will use to promote growth and understanding if we are willing to step aside and let Him do His work.
So here we are, already in May. There have been ups and there have been downs but with each new movement I have truly seen the Lord working tirelessly to love, guide, and protect each of us every step of the way. Sure, there have been a lot of times that I have questioned what God is doing and why, but in the end I am confident that even if I never understand the answer to those two questions, it’s ok. God works in ways that we generally just don’t understand. But if I have learned anything over the course of this semester is that He is always faithful to those who put their entire trust in Him.