Tuesday marked the end of my first semester here at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dusty, on the other hand, still has a few more weeks until his classes are done. During the last 12 or so weeks I spent 3+ hours every Tuesday night in a classroom with 40 or so other women all in basically the same place in life I am in. All of us have husbands who have been called into the ministry and are currently on the road to the education that will allow them to fullfil that call. Some of the ladies have been here a bit longer than I have and others are still new to this just like I am. But no matter if some ladies are getting ready to move on to the next stage in life or if some of us still have several years to go in that room we were all on the same page.
During the course of the class I learned a lot. I learned a lot about what the Bible has to say about women. Women as women, women as wifes, women as mothers, women as homemakers, and even women within the ministry. As I sat in class trying to pay attention to what my professor was trying to get accross, often times being distracted by RaeLynn fussing or being disruptive, I began to realize that the picture that I have created for myself of what it means to be a wife, mother, and at this stage in my life, homemaker is completely flawed. I’m sure this has a lot todo with that fact that I am completely flawed but thats another topic for another time.
I have always felt, and I can’t really say why, that if the house isn’t picked up and presentable 100% of the time and if the kids aren’t behaving completely then I must be failing at my job. I have this constant coat of guilt resting heavily on my shoulders if for any reason I stop and take a break during the day knowing that my wonderful husband is out there working hard and not getting the chance to just sit and relax. I stress out worrying that my kids aren’t getting enough of me when I have to step away to clean up a mess or fold the laundry, but at the same time feeling like I’m not accomplishing enough on my todo list for the day. I have this narrow picture of what I am supposed to be doing all the time and because I have been working so hard to fit into that picture I have missed the most important part. “Do as unto the Lord.”
“As unto the Lord” What does that even mean? Well, during the class I learned that, now, during this stage of my life with 2 small children at home, a husband working basically full time hours and going to school full time, and having a house to maintain if the laundry doesn’t get folded but I spent a few extra minutes outside running with my son so that he would be happy and know what a loving mother is and begin learning how to properly treat women then I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. If my decision is going to glorify God in the long run then the dishes and the clothes can wait.
On the same note, if for some reason I have to set aside some time when Collin and RaeLynn just have to wait for my attention because there are tasks that must be completed then I, again, will be glorifying the Lord as I teach my children a number of lessons in that moment. Teaching them patience, control, and an understanding that we all have responsibilities. If they can learn that though my actions as a homemaker then I must be doing something right, right?
In the next few years I am going to have the opportunity to learn even more on what it truely means to be a woman, wife, mother, homemaker, and wittness after God’s own heart. I find that the more and more I think about it the more I can’t wait to dig my heels in and really get to studying and learning from all the amazing women that here on this campus. The resources I have access are just wonderful. Next semester I will be taking 2 more classes and I am already anxious to get started. In this process I want to ask for your prayers.
Pray I learn everything God wants me to know, pray that God shows us how to work our finances so I can participate in these classes, pray I find the ways to use what I am learning in my life and pray that I can be supportive to Dusty as he is taking his classes and working for our family as well.