Over and over again I have heard people say “We are meant for more.”
I hear it at school as I sit in classes attempting to understand what is being said to me.
I hear it at church or when listening to preachers talk trying to encourage their congregations.
I even heard it over and over again at the Thirty One National Conference I attended in Denver.
You are meant for more.
The problem with that is that no one really ever explains what that means.
More of what?
More money? More recognition? More time?
Over the last several months I have really struggled with this idea. I have always felt like I should be doing more with my life but I have never really been able to put into words what that “more” should be.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a wife, mother, business person, student, church member, volunteer, and homemaker. I know what I do is valuable. I am also in the process of stepping back into the role of teacher as my kids begin school. (One starting Kinder and one continuing with PreK). However, I still have this feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that I am supposed to be doing something else with my life.
When I started taking the wives classes that are offered here at the seminary 3 years ago I started out with the intent to just learn. I have always loved learning and I get excited about being in a classroom. I love the sight of new school supplies on store shelves and my favorite places to shop are office supply stores and craft stores.
However, as I finished my certificate program and made the decision to move on to the master’s program that feeling of doing more began to grow. I am constantly asked why I am going to school now. What is the reason behind getting my degree. And more often than not I simply answer that the tuition break was offered and we figured why not?
The First Lady of the seminary, Mrs. Dorothy Patterson, who holds several higher education degrees, has often said that all women should have access to a theological education. That women should know what is in the Bible and how to read and teach it just as much as the men. And I have used that as my back bone of why I am pursuing my master’s degree.
And yet, that feeling of needing to do more continues to grow. I have this feeling of emptiness in my brain. I keep trying to ask “What is the point?” “What is the end goal?” And I keep coming up empty. I am hoping that the more I continue on with my education the clearer my “something more” will become.
At this point all I know is that I AM meant for something more. I just don’t really know what that means. Yet.
Have you ever felt this way? Am I the only one out there still searching?